Garçon, there's a fly in my granola

EXCERPT FROM AN EPITAPH (6-17-08)
We got lost on the way to the funeral
I thought we were supposed to follow the road straight there
But I stopped at the BP to pay the piper and change my shoes
The state highway turned into a rural route
And we ended up behind a barn without a map
The funeral started without us
He died without waiting for us, so why not
They were playing this great song from Super Tramp on the radio anyway

POSTCARD FROM THE ASYLUM
There’s a big old house with a big empty room
And my dad’s alone down the street
Because I ordered him to leave
And then I got mad at my grandma
The 94-year-old woman goes through Kleenex®
Faster than I go through Triscuits®